Motivation

(I would like to state for the record that the reason this blog post is late in going up is not because I didn't write it on time, it's because the g*d-d**n-f***ing Blogger wouldn't post last night! Sigh.)

Have you ever looked at the day, or the week, or the month or maybe your whole life and wondered exactly what all your time was spent doing?

That's how I feel lately.

I spend all this time at work. I spend all this time at school. I spend all this time at home. And yet, I don't really feel like I've done a heck of a whole lot lately. I haven't really written anything in several weeks. I haven't read a book in months. It takes me ages to send off interview questions these days. I haven't been to the gym since the summer.

I have no idea what I do anymore. I mean, I know the little things I do. But they all seem little.

I update the O.C. with a couple new blogs. Check.

I answer an email about work. Check.

I test my blood sugar. Check, check, check, check and check.

I chat with friends online. Check.

I write a press release or some random in-class assignment that has no bearing whatsoever on anything. Check.

I read blogs. A lot. Check a dozen times.

I'm really not sure if I'm asking a question or if I'm simply venting about a fleeting life. I just feel like I'm doing a lot of busywork with school and my internship and spending two hours everyday in a car. I don't know how to motivate myself to be more productive. To finally stop saying "I should clean my room" or "I should write that article" or "I should do this or that."

It's really my own fault, I guess. But I suppose it's like a lot of things in our lives. We see it. We know it. We acknowledge it. And then we turn around and pretend it doesn't exist, even when it's standing right next to us, tapping its foot and clearing its throat.