Lemonade Life

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Why I Never Joined the Debate Team

I can understand people disagreeing with me.

I can understand people hating diabetes.

I can understand people wanting this disease to disappear forever.

I can understand the fear.

I can understand the confusion.

I can understand the frustration.

I can understand the pain.

What I cannot understand is why someone would be cruel as to call me a liar.

Maybe I am taking this too personally. Maybe I am putting myself too far into the question. Maybe I interpreted the question differently.

But honestly (and this is my fucking blog and I write my thoughts as I please), I have never felt my opinions more cut down, more dismissed and more attacked than I have in the past few days with this discussion.

I am not crazy. Or maybe I am. But I am trying to find peace of mind.

Some of you have been wonderful. You have laid out your thoughts respectfully and honestly, and I appreciate that. You don't need to agree with me on everything. I would hate to live in a world where everyone agreed with me. But I have heard people's opinions called "lies," "idiotic," and "irresponsible." To me, that is disgusting.

I have worked very hard to come to terms with living with a chronic illness that will someday kill me. I have devoted my life to finding a cure and to helping those living with this disease. This disease HAS defined me, because I allowed it to shape my life's mission. I happen to think philanthropic endeavors are very worthy. But I have never felt more shot down in my life.

You don't have to like my opinions, and I don't have to like yours. But we should at least have the decency to respect how a person copes with something as life-changing as diabetes. It is life-changing. Don't ever think you'd be the same person without diabetes, because you wouldn't. Maybe you think you'd be a better person without it. Fine. Maybe you think you're a better person with the disease. Fine.

We don't know. We can't know and we won't know. We are living with this disease in the Here and Now. We need each other. We need each other like we need insulin. To Survive. To Thrive. But some of the comments from the past few days have made me very distrustful of people.

Thankfully, I am a stubborn and outspoken woman, and I'm not going anywhere. So There.

Call me a liar all you want. Anyone who calls me a liar or an idiot obviously doesn't know me. And I don't really care what people who don't know me think of me.

Especially people who sign "Anonymous."


At December 20, 2005 1:29 PM , Anonymous Mother of a Diabetic said...

I guess it's a moot point as you point out because none of you can know what your lives would have been like without Diabetes. None of you had a choice. You got it, you still have it and so far it's not going anywhere. Everyone has an opinion and I guess that all opinions should have been respected. The OC is a great outlet for all diabetics and parents of diabetics and hopefully this won't heppen again.

At December 20, 2005 1:44 PM , Blogger Kerri. said...

I was just about to suggest that you block anonymous comments from your blog, but then "mother of a diabetic" comes to comment as a non-blogger account ... and she should be able to.

It just boils down to the fact that some people are painfully tactless and don't have the decency to respect people's opinions, however stark the contrast to their own may be.

All these diabetes blogs are a terrific outlet for diabetics and their families and friends.

Don't let the musings of one fool break your spirit.

At December 20, 2005 3:45 PM , Anonymous gina said...

Let them say whatever they want to, you know that you are not lying and don't have to prove yourself to anyone.

At December 20, 2005 4:08 PM , Blogger Kassie said...

I'd choose no diabetes over diabetes any day but I'd choose diabetes over being an anonymous gutless jerk just as quickly.

Ignore it.

At December 20, 2005 4:09 PM , Blogger Ellen said...

I love the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". George thinks his life is awful and wishes it would end, and along comes the angel to let him see what it's like without him around....and ultimately he chooses his life the way it was/is - with all the frustrations associated with it.

I respect your opinion Allison. As a mother, I still find it difficult to understand that if the possibility really, truly and absolutely existed to choose life with or without diabetes, one who knows how difficult/chronic diabetes is, would choose diabetes. It would not be my choice, but it would be YOUR choice.

That said, I also find it difficult to understand that anyone voted for the current President G.W. Bush, once, let alone twice. :-).

Be confident in your own opinions...but accept that some want to challenge your beliefs. It's human nature to discuss/argue controversial topics. Dialogue is good...discussion is good....respect should be paramount.

At December 20, 2005 5:01 PM , Blogger Violet said...

The disrespect is wrong and unfortunate, and I'm sorry you encountered it.

Consider: perhaps this behavior is an illustration of how painful this disease has been for one anonymous person who hasn't even the strength to own up to an identity. I agree with other folks' suggestion that you ignore it.

At December 20, 2005 10:32 PM , Blogger Wil said...

So your latest sent me scrambling backwards through the comments to see what all the fuss was about. I simply just don't know what that person's malfunction is.

Very strange, to accuse you of lying. To what purpose? How could any one possibly think your lying about your position, espcially when you took such pains to take us through the stormy sea of conflicting thoughts that lead you to your answer.

Does he /she think you are lying to us or to yourself? If they think you are lying to yourself, you sure are in good company, 'cause most of us voted to stay on the road with you! And that was from diabetics both new and old.

Well, on the bright side (once your blood pressure came back down) at least you got a good post out of it. When I was a young man I worked as a newspaper photographer. Some days when I came to work I was freaked out because there was nothing to take pictures of. I never had a day end without a photo for the cover. Blogging is a bit the same, isn't it? Some days I worry there is nothing to talk about and then...

At December 21, 2005 7:59 AM , Blogger Kelsey said...

I should have commented on your previous post, because it made me think and I agree with you wholeheartedly! Diabetes has shaped who I am and I'm proud of how I've coped with this disease. Thank you for speaking honestly about your thoughts and feelings, and don't ever sensor yourself for fear of anyone else's comments.

At December 21, 2005 8:18 AM , Blogger julia said...

I will second everything ellen said (including the GWB comments :D ). They are your opinions and you have every right to hold them, even if I don't understand or agree with them.

People like to hide behind the anonymity of the internet in order to say nasty things to people they don't know. I guess that's how they get their rocks off. All you can do is shake your head and brush it off.

At December 21, 2005 8:58 AM , Anonymous D1 for 22 years said...

I skimmed your original post at work the other day and it really gave me a lot to think about. I do agree that I would not be the same person if I had not been diagnosed with D1 at 12yrs. What would be different about me, where I live, work, and play? I think it is an interesting idea to ponder and something that I will come back to many times in the next few weeks or months, however long it takes for me to retrace all of the possible options had insurance, lbs (low blood sugars, not pounds), and the like not been considerations.
If I could choose to be free of diabetes, would I choose it? I actually have thought about it a number of times. I have a sister who was diagnosed with rheumatiod arthritis when she was 14yrs. (Another autoimmune disease) Living my life and seeing how she has to live hers, I would always pick my condition over hers. God has given each of us our "cross to bear" and I will not second guess what He has given to me.
I apologize for the rambling, but so appreciate the opportunity.

At December 21, 2005 10:09 AM , Blogger Shannon said...

I think this "Anonymous" person is the same who posted on my blog. The tone sounds the same although this person wrote a lot less on my blog.

Stick to your guns girl. And don't let someone who is so uncouth get to you. He/she is so not worth the effort.

At December 22, 2005 1:29 AM , Blogger the beautiful diabetic said...

Hi. I too was curious about the 'hoopla' and what got you so fired up. Plain and simple, the poster is just ignorant. SAy what you will, but don't hide behind an anonymous shroud. AND worse, they probably do this kind of stuff to get the attention and watch us scramble and give our reactions to their stupid comments! Just a sad, insecure, lonely person. ANYWAY! When I read this in your previous post 'But by saying we want to go the "non-diabetic" route, we're saying that we believe a non-diabetic route is: safer, healthier, nicer, easier, funer.'...that is EXACTLY why I called my blog 'The Beautiful Diabetic'. To fight the wrong stereotypes that sick and diseased people are given by society.
So, would I have chosen differently, don't know, I am a Type 2, the issues are different. So, I just wanted to say 'my piece'! Good job. Keep writing. Keep asking questions. Make lemonade.

At December 22, 2005 9:16 AM , Anonymous Elizabeth said...

Anonymous poster can go f themselves. I responded to your post on my own blog, and I feel the same way. It makes you stronger. I am sorry that there are people in this world who are that idiotic and ignorant. At least you know that you're better than that.

At December 22, 2005 10:50 PM , Anonymous AmyT said...

You are brave indeed to "put yourself out there" via the blog. I too get quite a lot of flack at times. All I can tell you is this:

1) There will always be a few idiots who take pleasure in lambasting anyone with an opinion


3) My advice would be to make it a policy to delete any heckling comments that come in without a valid email address and/or URL. This is pretty much standard in the blogging world, and for good reason.

Keep up the great work, Allison!

At December 22, 2005 11:21 PM , Blogger Allison said...

Thanks to everyone for your support! I really appreciate it.

Hugs all around!



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