Pause Button

I have been kind of neglectful with this place for the past week. The OC New Me Challenge has taken up a bit more of my time than I thought. Of course, there's also that whole "school" business I'm still involved in.

Classes are going well. I'm taking Biology of Cancer, International Journalism, Communication Economics and Dark Self East & West. Biology of Cancer is interesting and I actually saw what an insulin molecule looks like (it was during an overview of protein formation). International Journalism is with one of my favorite professors, but we still haven't done a lot this week. Communication Economics is economics, which means I'm going to hate it, but at least the professor is energetic. Dark Self East & West is a religious studies class focusing on how religions use and justify evil in people. Our first discussions was on Nazis.

I have moved into a nice, completely furnished studio apartment about two miles from campus. I have never lived completely on my own like this before, and it makes me a little nervous but I know plenty of people who live or have lived on their own before, so I know that as long as I'm careful I will be okay. But any suggestions on living alone are of course welcome...

I discovered last week that I might actually be graduating at the end of this term and not next term with everyone else. After my classes this term I will have met all the requirements to graduate. The only reason I was going to stay was because I wanted to finish up my Non-Profit Administration minor. Now, part of me wasn't even sure I wanted to finish the minor because I'm not sure I will ever actually become involved in administrating non-profits. Writing for one, sure, but leading it? I'm not sold. Then I discovered that I might not even be able to finish the term because one of the classes I need isn't being offered.

Well, that settle it, I guess.

There is still a chance that the Projected Courses is incomplete and that they will add that class next term. But part of me wouldn't mind just graduating with my degree in Public Relations and a minor in Religious Studies, because that means I could have a few weeks off before starting a job anywhere.

And before you ask me, let me just say:

"No, I don't know where I am going. I just think I know where I want to be."

It's strange to go so long thinking you know exactly where the finishing line is only to realize that it might be a lot closer. While I'm sure it's nice when you are running marathons, for some reason this just doesn't have the same excitement, the same anticipation. The goal moved and now I'm standing here, at a dead stand-still, thinking, "This is where it was the whole time?"

While part of me is more anxious than ever to be finished with school, to have a break and the move on (literally) with my career, part of me just wants to drag these fleeting moments of childhood a little bit longer. High school was supposed to be the embarking of adulthood, but we all know that isn't true. But the end of college really does start everything.

I want to keep my finger on pause just a little bit longer.