An Anonymous Experience

As most of you know, there has been an anonymous lurker floating around my blog and Scott's blog for the past few days. As lurkers go, this has not be a pleasant experience for anyone, least of all me.

First of all, I want to thank everyone who has left comments supporting me, especially Penny who wrote an entire post on my behalf. I very much appreciate that so many people in the O.C. have my back. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Second, I want everyone to know that the anonymous lurker has been identified. I am not going to release the lurker's name, as I believe it will only serve to cause serious harm to this diabetes community and to damage the lurker's spirit more than it already has. In short, it's just mean.

I have identified and emailed the A.L. and the issues surrounding aforementioned outbursts have been addressed and an apology has been received. To any would-be anony-haters, most blogs on the O.C. have stat counters and we know who you are. Maybe not by name, but we can see where you live, what your IP address is and how often you are showing up. Most of us are not afraid to block you. Thankfully, there will be no more tirades from this particular lurker, though I know there are many people who read the blogs in the Diabetes O.C. and I also know that there will never be a day when we can make everyone happy with our choices.

I can't even do that with my parents and I certainly don't expect to do it with complete strangers.

In case anyone didn't notice, this is my blog. It really is all about me, and occasionally other people.

This is the place where I come to work out whatever issues are going on inside my head. Some of them are inspiring, some of them are entertaining, some of them are downright over dramatic.

This is the place where I come to talk about my experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly. Diabetes, as it has with most everyone reading this, has caused a significant amount of mental, emotional and physical trauma over the years. This is not an easy lifestyle. I have decided to take on the life of an advocate and an educator, but this occasionally complicates things rather than makes them simpler. There are times when I know exactly why I am doing this and I enjoy every minute that I can help people. But there are also times when I am completely burned out, frustrated and dejected. These are the times that I don't know why I do anything.

Coming here and talking about it helps to remind me of why.

I don't want to stand up (actually, I'm sitting down) and act like I'm a superhero or a martyr. No one forced me to do this. While you may have your own thoughts of what I am, I know that I am not perfect and I cannot do everything, no matter what the expectations are.

No one in the Diabetes O.C. is, and that is precisely what makes the O.C. amazing.

We have flaws. We forget to test, we forget to bolus, we forget to refill our reservoirs until the screen blinks No Delivery in the middle of dinner (okay, maybe that one's just me). We eat popcorn late at night, we use regular sugar in our coffee, we eat cupcakes. We don't want a box tethered to our abdomen, we don't want to count carbohydrates, and we don't want to be sick. But most of all, we don't want to be alone. The image that was chosen for the O.C. logo is a bridge. It's a bridge because I believe that these blogs are building bridges from one side of the world to the other, to support and validate the sadness and success of people with diabetes.

Anyone who tells you that you don't deserve to be validated or that you are not worth listening to is wrong.

We may not always agree with what someone does or thinks or says, but whether you are an active member of the Diabetes O.C., a full-time lurker or a first-time guest, you deserve the right to be respected.

If we, as people affected by this disease, can't find compassion for what this life is like, then the foundation of hope is cracked.