Lemonade Life

Sunday, January 28, 2007

An Anonymous Experience

As most of you know, there has been an anonymous lurker floating around my blog and Scott's blog for the past few days. As lurkers go, this has not be a pleasant experience for anyone, least of all me.

First of all, I want to thank everyone who has left comments supporting me, especially Penny who wrote an entire post on my behalf. I very much appreciate that so many people in the O.C. have my back. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Second, I want everyone to know that the anonymous lurker has been identified. I am not going to release the lurker's name, as I believe it will only serve to cause serious harm to this diabetes community and to damage the lurker's spirit more than it already has. In short, it's just mean.

I have identified and emailed the A.L. and the issues surrounding aforementioned outbursts have been addressed and an apology has been received. To any would-be anony-haters, most blogs on the O.C. have stat counters and we know who you are. Maybe not by name, but we can see where you live, what your IP address is and how often you are showing up. Most of us are not afraid to block you. Thankfully, there will be no more tirades from this particular lurker, though I know there are many people who read the blogs in the Diabetes O.C. and I also know that there will never be a day when we can make everyone happy with our choices.

I can't even do that with my parents and I certainly don't expect to do it with complete strangers.

In case anyone didn't notice, this is my blog. It really is all about me, and occasionally other people.

This is the place where I come to work out whatever issues are going on inside my head. Some of them are inspiring, some of them are entertaining, some of them are downright over dramatic.

This is the place where I come to talk about my experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly. Diabetes, as it has with most everyone reading this, has caused a significant amount of mental, emotional and physical trauma over the years. This is not an easy lifestyle. I have decided to take on the life of an advocate and an educator, but this occasionally complicates things rather than makes them simpler. There are times when I know exactly why I am doing this and I enjoy every minute that I can help people. But there are also times when I am completely burned out, frustrated and dejected. These are the times that I don't know why I do anything.

Coming here and talking about it helps to remind me of why.

I don't want to stand up (actually, I'm sitting down) and act like I'm a superhero or a martyr. No one forced me to do this. While you may have your own thoughts of what I am, I know that I am not perfect and I cannot do everything, no matter what the expectations are.

No one in the Diabetes O.C. is, and that is precisely what makes the O.C. amazing.

We have flaws. We forget to test, we forget to bolus, we forget to refill our reservoirs until the screen blinks No Delivery in the middle of dinner (okay, maybe that one's just me). We eat popcorn late at night, we use regular sugar in our coffee, we eat cupcakes. We don't want a box tethered to our abdomen, we don't want to count carbohydrates, and we don't want to be sick. But most of all, we don't want to be alone. The image that was chosen for the O.C. logo is a bridge. It's a bridge because I believe that these blogs are building bridges from one side of the world to the other, to support and validate the sadness and success of people with diabetes.

Anyone who tells you that you don't deserve to be validated or that you are not worth listening to is wrong.

We may not always agree with what someone does or thinks or says, but whether you are an active member of the Diabetes O.C., a full-time lurker or a first-time guest, you deserve the right to be respected.

If we, as people affected by this disease, can't find compassion for what this life is like, then the foundation of hope is cracked.


At January 29, 2007 9:11 AM , Blogger Kevin said...

Well said, Allison.

I am sorry that you were harassed like that, and I am sorry too that the A.L. has felt left out of this community.

Like Scott said, there's no way that any one of us can follow ALL the blogs out there.

We don't want to be alone. It makes me sad to think that this person feels alone with this disease.

At January 29, 2007 9:52 AM , Blogger Shannon said...

I emailed you before, but now that the cat is out of the bag, I'll say that you didn't deserve the lashing out of anon. You've handled yourself with class :)

I don't have a lot of comments on my blog and I certainly don't get to comment on everyone's blog either.

Anon, don't take things so personally. We're all in the same boat in one sense or another.

At January 29, 2007 9:54 AM , Blogger Nicole P said...


Although I can appreciate that mean anonymous commenters make life more difficult than it needs to be, I don't think it is terribly graceful of you to "out" the person as a member of the community - which is essentially what you've done here. I really think that doing that only fosters greater animosity and mistrust within the group. Wouldn't a simple sentence about having identified and emailed the person have been enough?

I know this is your blog - and you can do what you want, but I think this post has the potential to cause even more hurt feelings.


At January 29, 2007 11:18 AM , Blogger Allison said...


Oh no! I'm sorry. My explanation was not meant to say at all that the person is a member of the community. What I was implying was that by circulating any name or location of a person, it might make people feel like they should be more guarded or that they need to be "on the lookout" for this new anonymous lurker. So I just wanted to say that we don't need to worry about that at all. I think it's a waste of energy to get too caught up in all of this.

I also didn't want to say who it is for the very reason that they might be afraid or decide that they would not ever want to be a part of the Diabetes O.C. Being caught and then put up on display is what will hurt the most.

I said the person was a lurker for a reason.

At January 29, 2007 11:42 AM , Blogger Nicole P said...

Allison -

I'll say just two more things and then leave this alone. I've watched the whole thing over the past couple of days with a little bit of a sick-stomach.

First - "I will not release the lurkers name." This line really got to me. It implies that you've got some sort of power over this person - who is obviously feeling pretty powerless already. It struck me as mean.

Second - anyone who's read the comments on your blog and on Scott's - and then read this post - would assume, as I did, that the person is part of this community. Not to mention that I know you've identified their location on another of your pages. Sad, really.

I know you're reacting to the lurkers comments and tone, but I don't agree with others who seem to think you've taken the high road in this exchange.

Just my opinion, though.


At January 29, 2007 5:10 PM , Blogger Rachel said...

I am sorry that you have been so upset about this incident.

I, too, am a little put off by the "outing" of this person. By acknowledging that you even received these comments publicly, you are giving the anon commenter exactly what they want - attention and drama.

I have received nasty anon comments on my blog and other sites on the internet. Sure, it pisses me off and I may have a few choice words for the offenders, but I don't dwell on it too much - if people are so bored they need to "haunt" other people's blogs, sucks to be them. I delete and (try to) ignore.

At January 29, 2007 6:06 PM , Blogger Allison said...

It's over with now. No need to dwell on things that have already been said and done. Let's learn the lessons that need to be learned and move on with it. I, for one, desperately want to put this behind me.

At January 29, 2007 6:16 PM , Blogger Penny said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At January 29, 2007 6:19 PM , Blogger Penny said...

I posted a comment and then saw that you said you were done with it, so I deleted it.


But, I guess you'll get it in email anyway.

At February 06, 2007 9:06 PM , Blogger Dawn said...

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK !!!! you have a NEW blogger in your corner sweetie! Let me take them out ~ HAHA ~ the "SOPRANOS meet Boston Mob" way... LOL! Dawn in Boston massachusetts yep! thats me! anonymous commenters of negativity really are the TRUE cowards . F'em!
and now,, I'll be polite again CAUSE I really dont know you "wicked" good.........Heeeheee!


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