Lemonade Life

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Case of the Broken Printer

It was just like any other summer afternoon.

I'm sitting at my cluttered desk covered with diabetes magazines and newsletters, little notes to myself and not one, not two, but three cans of diet soda.

I'm preparing to print out some Walk to Cure Diabetes for my family and friends. Just a few to keep the ball rolling with the gathering of 100 supporters (if you haven't donated, you should!).

My letters are all nice and proofread and I hit the print button.

Eeeeek-raaaaank grinds the printer as it prepares a slice of crisp, white paper.

The printers teeth grab the paper and begins sliding it.

But oh no!

What's this?

The paper is going in sideways!

I quickly grab the paper, but it's too late. A quarter of my letter has already been printed, a smudged Hello! falling outside the margins.

Sigh. Throw the paper in the recycling.

Straighten up the paper. Hit print. Again, the paper grinds and shrieks as it grabs yet another paper, sliding it in at an angle.

And again. And again. And again.

About half a dozen pages later and my letter is printed in a way that if your head was permanently fixed at a 45 degree angle to the left it would look perfectly normal!

I try taking out the stack of blank pages and go at it one at a time. Occasionally I am able to carefully slide the page just right between the teeth so that the printer grabs it straight on, but it eventually loses its angle and the page comes out with a thin line of ink down the bottom left hand side.

I cannot send this to Grandma Lois.

Another half a dozen pages later and the entirety of my patience, I am fed up with Mr. Printer.

Something must be broken.

Perhaps it is the teeth? I think, and unplug the printer from the computer and surge protector and place it in my lap. I turn it around so I can get a clearer look at where each page is being pulled in.

It looks normal, but then I notice the edge of something slightly orange, slightly pink. At first I think something must have broken and what I'm seeing is broken, chipped paint. But as I tilt the printer to one side, the mystery object moves!

I reach in and touch it. It's soft and... a bit chalky.

I tilt the printer backwards all the way, shaking hard until the mystery object has been completely dislodged!

A glucose tablet!

One tiny, orange-flavored glucose tablet killed half a tree!

Irritated, but slightly bemused, I throw the clearly contaminated glucose tablet in the garbage and I plug the printer back in. I print off ten nice, clean letters without a hitch.

My only question now that I have solved the mystery of the broken printer is... exactly how did that glucose tablet get inside the printer?

Maybe the printer is a diabetic and was having a hypoglycemic reaction?

I sure hope it tested...


At August 31, 2006 8:58 AM , Blogger Lori Rode said...

Diabetes is everywhere. See, it is taking over the world, as I claim, including printers. Great, funny post.

At August 31, 2006 2:11 PM , Blogger George said...

LOL that was awesome!

At August 31, 2006 5:30 PM , Blogger Johnboy said...

Mwuahahahaha...sweet story...and with a good ending.

Good luck with the walk!

At August 31, 2006 5:47 PM , Blogger Jen said...

I think I just died.
I could not stop laughing. My room mate just insisted that I tell her the story. She didn't think it was nearly that funny.

At September 03, 2006 6:04 PM , Blogger maryellen said...

I find test strips everywhere in my house - how do they get into the dishwasher? the keyboard? the tub drain?


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